how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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