That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
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you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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