woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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