i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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