Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize