My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
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I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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