I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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