my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i dont even know how to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
not ubering you a puppy
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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