dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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