It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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