wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize