My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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