New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
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There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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