I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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