so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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