You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize