We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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