Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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