Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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