Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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