Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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