i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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