A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
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You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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