God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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