you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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