Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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