My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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