My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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