I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is Oprah even human
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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