Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
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They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize