I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize