i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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