I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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