Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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