you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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