So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
