Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
