in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
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I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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