Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize