Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
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i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
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Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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