Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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