I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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