Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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