All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
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Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
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This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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