Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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