You're so nebulous sometimes
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize