Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
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I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
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Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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