Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize