I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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