So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
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So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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