we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
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One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
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My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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