Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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